An Account of how a Belligerent Atheist became a Servant of Christ.
For most of my life when I thought of Christianity I thought of Jim Jones; Tell-evangelists living in palaces with air-conditioned dog houses; Catholic Priests who rape young boys and girls; and intolerant born again bible thumpers who believe only they are going to heaven and the rest of us are despicable sinners destined for hell. I did not believe there was a God and had no time for those who wanted to tell me about Him. Several years ago a man I worked with tried to tell me about God after I had made some off-hand anti-Christian remark. Another office mate of ours and I ganged up on him and ripped him to shreds like ravenous wolves. He was moved to the other end of the office and no longer worked with us.
That was in Boston Massachusetts. A year later I was transferred almost a thousand miles away to Cincinnati, Ohio. I had been there about two years when I came to a point in my life where I suddenly started going to church. At the time I could not understand why I wanted to go, I just did. I would make a visit, feel rejected and go home mad. A week or month later I would try again with the same result. I was afraid that if someone realized that I was an atheist and a sinner they would throw me out of church. I had no idea why I was putting my self through that misery. I recall three church visits clearly. The first one had a thirty minute sermon from the assistant pastor's wife concerning how tough being an assistant pastor's wife was; followed by an invitation to join them at their after church fellowship hour. I stood in a room full of groups of people being ignored for fifteen minutes before I went home mad and rejected. I figured the people there knew that I was not a Christian and therefore shunned me. The second trip brought me to a church where people came over and spoke to me and introduced me to the pastor. After a brief discussion he found out that I lived nearer to another church of the same denomination, suggested I go there and walked off! I went home feeling rejected and worthless. They clearly knew that I was not one of them and that I did not belong in a church. In the third church I was the youngest person by thirty years, I felt such a great rift between us because of the age difference that I gave up without trying to speak to anyone. At each church I had sat in the middle of the sanctuary and except for the last one had tried to get involved.
I spoke to a friend at work who I knew went to church several times a week about my experiences and he hesitantly invited me to his church. I did not get directions because we were interrupted by work so I had to get his number from information and call him Sunday morning. He invited me to morning Bible study (Sunday school) and promised to meet me there. I was ten minutes early and he was five minutes late so I followed people in and tried to look as if I belonged (As well as I could anyway). The people there immediately realized that I was new and welcomed me. They spoke to me, found out who I was meeting, showed me where his class was, got me a cup of coffee, and made me feel truly accepted and welcome. This was very different from any other Church I had been in.
The sermon that day was what I now consider a classic Calvinistic sermon on the fallen state of man. The Pastor explained, with Bible verses to back him up, that all mankind, even Christians, and even Pastors are in a fallen state of sin. Furthermore he explained that this fact did not disprove God as I had always thought it did but rather that it was to be expected based on the Bibles teaching. He also explained that Jesus came to earth to die for the sins of His people that they might be saved. The Pastor came to my home two weeks later and explained salvation to me. I started to read the Bible again and this time it started to make sense. The whole world started to make sense. Then, one night after I had struggled through a brief prayer, I realized that I believed there was a God who heard my prayer. I was shocked. I knew that I was much to cynical to have come to this faith on my own. After careful examination I found no explanation for my faith and I could not prove to my self that there was a God but I KNEW that there was one. For days I felt a peace with my self that I had never known before. I thanked God that he had sent Jesus Christ into the world to lead a perfect life and earning the reward for perfect obedience, eternal life. I thanked God that Jesus then give his life, suffering the just punishment for my sins that they might be covered and that I might inherit the eternal life that Jesus earned. I know that I am accepted as righteous in God's sight because when he looks at me he sees not my sins but Jesus perfect life.
The next Sunday I found my Pastor and said "I believe". He knew what I meant. I was a bit confused about what to do next but when my friend, his wife and another couple invited me out to lunch to try to find out what was happening in my life I hesitantly told them too. My friend said that for days he had wanted to pick me up and shake me to make me tell him what was happening. Now I am happy to tell everyone what has changed my life.
These events changed my whole life rather dramatically. I have had to rethink everything I believed in light of my faith in God and what the Bible says. It was all very stressful, time consuming and quite wonderful. I now know that we are all sinners saved from the just penalty for our sins by the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Since the day I first believed I have tried to be an active member of the Church and to grow in my understanding and love of the Lord. After several months my Pastor announced that the outreach and evangelism program would start up again the following week and I felt compelled to join them. It has been hard for me to go and speak to people about Christ but I feel that it is extremely important for every one to hear the gospel and for Christians to grow in their faith and understanding of God. I hope my love for Christ and God's Grace enables me to bare up under the hatred and incivility that can come from sharing the faith as well as that coworker I "Ripped to shreds" for testifying to me, and who, two years later, invited me again to know Christ, this time successfully.
Since the day I first believed I have wanted to give my life over to God to serve Him and do his will. As time has passed and my studies progress I became convinced that God was calling me to give up my secular life and devote myself to Christ in full time Christian service. While at one time my work as a Computer Systems Analyst seemed the most important thing in the world to me I now see God as the only thing of lasting importance. I can think of nothing better than to serve my God with all my heart, soul, mind and body.
I covet your prayers for His guidance in my future.
